Sammi Cheng is at the top of her game. For the September 2020 issue, director Stanley Kwan, who has worked with Cheng on Everlasting Regret and First Night Nerves, interviews the Canto-pop icon and actress on behalf of Vogue Hong Kong on her acting experiences and thoughts on hope. 

Stepping into Clearwater Bay’s studio, we find Cheng full of energy even after a hectic day of filming for her new music video. As she prepares for her evening shoot in her dressing room, Kwan engages her in trivial small talk before guiding the conversation into a heartfelt dialogue for Vogue Hong Kong. 

Kwan: Let’s start with hope. We all have hopes for something — I myself hope for my parents’ wellbeing, as we take care to ensure they lead comfortable lives. What are your own hopes for your parents?

Cheng: There’s a lot of variability about the future. It is precisely because of this uncertainty that we need hope–otherwise, we’d all fall into despair. Not only does hope bring about positivity, but they also help us face the many uncertainties in life. As children, we should try to accommodate our parents to the best of our abilities before it’s too late. We strive to provide the best we can to our parents and shower them with unconditional love. 

I don’t actually hold hope nor despair when I think about the time they have left–death is an inevitable part of life, and we should go with the flow. My father is diabetic, and though I wish he’ll cut back on certain foods, will he actually go through with it? Will a strict diet be too hard on him? I try my best, but I cannot push my hopes on him–we need to maintain a certain degree of compromise.

Kwan: The pandemic was the first time we’ve ever felt so helpless. Though at the time, I often hoped that it would end soon, when I think back to this sense of hope, I can’t help but feel down. What are your thoughts on this?

Cheng: I think remaining hopeful about the pandemic is good because it’s positive. But that involves looking at the grand scheme of things–it’s more important to live well in the moment. Even if the pandemic wouldn’t end, it’s vital to consider the type of attitudes we should approach such difficult times with. The fact that I don’t have to live in hope for the future is a sense of hope in and of itself. To have the ability to take on challenges as they come is much more satisfying to me. I’m hoping that things will look up soon is all well and good, but I try to focus more on other aspects of my life.

Kwan: I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned it, but while filming Everlasting Regret, you were having a hard time. As the director, I observed that you were hastily hoping to improve to the point of being a perfectionist. Then you starred in First Night Nerves, and it’s as if you transformed into an entirely new person–do you think you were striving for perfection in Everlasting Regret?

Cheng: A part of me definitely did. This pursuit of perfection partly stemmed from my lack of confidence in my abilities, as I felt I had to prove myself. But once I took on First Night Nerves, I relieved myself of that burden; I no longer believed that acting is something you should do to prove your self-worth. Once you accumulate enough experience and shift your mindset, you become more confident about your performance, and it shows. I can tell there are huge differences in my acting skills in Everlast Regrets and First Night Nerves. During the latter, I performed my character with ease because I had confidence in my skills; but for the former, you could say that I had hoped that I could perform well, but deep down, I believed that I was falling short. This was on top of my malady at the time. I must say that depression certainly makes acting much more difficult. Before pinning down my character, I couldn’t control my negative emotions. It took a toll on me, but looking back, the fact that I completed the film under these circumstances was the best I could’ve done. 

Kwan: As the director, I think we didn’t have a close relationship while filming Everlasting Regret. I was quite anxious, as I thought we couldn’t connect well.

Cheng: I actually thought I couldn’t deal with all of it, as I was trying to manage my depression–it was an arduous process. It didn’t help that we had to stop shooting for two weeks. I tried to communicate with others, but I had anxiety that stemmed from depression, and I had to put on an air of nonchalance every time I arrived on set despite those anxieties. Indeed, I didn’t have it in me to reach out for deeper connections with others. 

Kwan: And during First Night Nerves?

Cheng: First Night Nerves opened my eyes again to the world, and it was an entirely different experience compared to Everlasting Regret. It was like I had a chance to get to know you again, and vice versa. That was the first time I truly witnessed your prowess as a director, and I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations. I admire your attention to detail and how you built intricate relationships with everyone on set.